last night, after a delicious dinner and a successful ikea furniture building session with my friend sophie, i mentioned that i had a tinder date scheduled for this week. i explained how i didn’t exactly have high hopes because a) tinder is for sex, and i’m kidding myself thinking it’ll ever result in anything real and b) my last tinder date went well (i thought), until the guy kept putting off our second date until i told him he could tell it to me straight, i could handle it. he never told me anything again. as in, stopped texting me completely. so, that was a success. not.
i’ve written on here before about how hard it is to date in new york. how most men aren’t even looking for anything serious. it’s like all the guys here spend their lives believing they’re living in one giant strip club: they can look, they can touch, they can do whatever they want, but at the end of the night, they never have to see the woman again. suffice it to say this is a frustrating dilemma for many of the women in this city.
but, as sophie so eloquently put it last night, “is it really the worst thing if my most terrible problem is that i’m single? is being single really so bad?”
the answer is split down the middle. 50% says yes, it is really so bad to be single in this city. we all (sophie and myself included) fear that we’ll die old and alone with our cats. that we’ll never find love in new york. that we’ll never find love anywhere. that online dating, and meeting men in bars, and talking to our crushes at work is futile. that we’ll be 37 and have kids on our own because we want them and we can’t bear to wait around the one any longer.
but the other side of the answer is this: that we can’t have it all, and what we do have is good. that, when you look at the whole pie, things are pretty spectacular. take myself, for instance. i have an apartment i have grown to love. i put lots of time and effort into designing it, and taking care of it, and as a result, it truly feels like home. i have a very good job – so good, in fact, that i was featured for my career on one of my favorite websites a few weeks ago. i make a decent amount of money. i have a few freelance gigs that i really enjoy. i have a cat i am positively obsessed with. my family is my rock, and my happy place. i have great friends. i’m slowly making new friends, thanks to things like bar method, and book club. i’m working actively on losing weight and getting in shape, and with my new addiction to soul cycle, i think i might just get there. i’m planning a trip to Nicaragua to visit my dear friend martha in december. it will be my first true vacation in five years, and i can’t wait.
in short, things are good. i am lucky. i have quite a bit to be thankful for. and when i subtract “i am single” from the equation, everything is amazing. it would do me well to try and remember that. because sophie’s right, really. it’s not the worst thing. it’s not the best thing, sure, but when you factor in all the other pieces of the puzzle, i could do a whole lot worse.